Gobbler Awards
November 18, 2008 by admin · Leave a Comment
The gathering of family and friends for a feast that will allow for enough calorie consumption to give Jared from Subway a heart attack is the perfect time of the year to unveil the Gobbler Awards. This is a rare distinction given out by HomeTeam Sports to those special individuals that escape normal words.
How exactly this relates back to Thanksgiving is tough to really put a finger on. Except for the fact that the holiday has turkeys, and they’re kind of peculiar looking bird, and since we can’t call them the “Turkey Awards” since ESPN already does that, we had to go with the title of Gobbler Awards.
Now that you feel enlightened (you might want to wipe that bit of mashed potatoes off your chin), here are the winners.
1 SEC Referee Wilbur Hackett Jr.
We’ve always made fun of referees for affecting the game, but in Hackett Jr.’s case he actually tackled a football player.
Whether the former Kansas linebacker suffered the first-ever case of a football flashback, or he inadvertently squared up and delivered the smack down … well, it’s all over YouTube, so you decide.
2 The New England Patriots
Way to blow a chance at history guys. Instead, you were on the wrong end of an upset in the Super Bowl. And Eli Manning wasn’t even wearing a fur coat …
3 Larry Johnson
The highest-paid running back in the NFL has been arrested four times since 2003, the latest involving Johnson spitting a drink on a woman’s face in a night club and saying, “I’m going to kill your boyfriend.”
Hopefully Johnson isn’t releasing a “Dating for Dummies” book anytime soon.
4 Mike Singletary
Hanes still hasn’t offered him an endorsement contract after he dropped his pants in an effort to motivate his players at halftime during the San Francisco 49ers-Seattle Seahawks contest.
5 Barry Bonds
He hasn’t been offered a contract either.
6 Columbia Basin Big Nine
The only team to make it out of regionals from this league after playing GSL teams was their No. 1 seed Southridge and that was because they got to play another CBBN team instead of a squad from the Lilac City.
In the end-of-the-season crossover games between most of the non-playoff teams of each league, the Big Nine went winless.
7 Tyrone Willingham
He’s out the door since the Huskies are winless and this was coming into a season where some Husky fans had hope of a Bowl game.
8 Paul Wulff
We just hope that WSU gives the former EWU head coach a chance to rebuild the Cougars. It’s obvious the cupboards were left empty for this guy.
9 John McLaren
The former Mariners manager was fired midway through the 2008 season, but that wasn’t before he went on a expletive-laden post-game rant that we hope gets inserted into a Coors Light commercial someday.
10 Josh Childress
Let’s get this straight. Josh Childress left the NBA for more money to play in Europe? Where clubs are notorious for not paying their players?
11 That guy at a Spokane Riverhawks game
We here at HomeTeam Sports witnessed one fine middle-aged gentleman that tried to chase down a foul ball, only to get beat to it by a kid. This set off a tantrum by the man that rivals that of a 2-year-old, causing the kid to give him the ball.
Something tells us he won’t be sitting at the adult table during Thanksgiving.
12 A-Rod
Chasing Madonna? MADONNA? Didn’t she date Mickey Mantle?
13 Vince Young
When you’re benched for Kerry Collins and the play of your team actually improves, that’s a serious problem. But that’s only part of it.
His mom basically defended him in public for all the mean things football fans had been saying to her boy. We’re waiting to see if Young receives a Band-Aid for his boo-boo while he’s on the bench.
14 Stephon Marbury
The New York Knicks refuse to play you. That’s like the theatre department at your college not picking you for intramural basketball.
You’re better off not getting paid by a European basketball team.
15 People on the Internet
Since we’ve been in existence, we’ve heard people on the Internet clamor for the firing on EWU Head Football Coach Beau Baldwin, Idaho Head Coach Robb Akey and WSU Head Coach Paul Wulff. All coaches haven’t even been on campus for two full seasons.
Jumping the gun? More like pulling the trigger before you’ve even loaded the ammo.
Story by Brandon Hansen, editor-in-chief. Brandon can be reached by e-mail at brandon@htsports.org.
